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Pick at the Scab

by Rock Eupora

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1.
I’ll be here with you, I will be here with you for all of time I will never move, I will never ever move from your side And I love you because I want to It’s been a long time since I’ve let people in this close I felt alone for so long I didn’t even know That I was scared of being known Fearful of having no control over what friends would think Would it change the way that they treat me? And so the clock kept ticking on I was bottling emotion And to keep it from exploding I’d spew a little out I was trying to choke it But it ended up stoking The fire would not go out Desire roared so loud I started letting myself feel how I really felt Then I shared those feelings that I usually just kept I found that there’s a common core Everyone’s fighting their own war We’re all on the same side In a similar and different light It’s time for us to join up I was digging a deep moat Didn’t want people too close I put myself in jail Started opening the windows Then I noticed that the light shone Brighter on myself and everybody else
2.
Intimacy 04:20
I’ve been angry (and I’ve been sad) For a long time (I pushed it back) My emotions (raised the alarm) Trail of blood from (my broken heart) It’s been a lonely, lonely time It’s been a lonely, lonely time I’ve been l-o-n-e-l-y I’ve been so lonely Intimacy is what I need More than sympathy I just want to be loved Unconditional More than stepping in my shoes I just want you to love me Searching for love (in wrong places) Acting out of (desperation) I’ve hurt good friends (who were innocent) I was crying (out for connection) What does that look like for me? To love me I’ve been l-o-n-e-l-y I’ve been l-o-n-e-l-y Will I be alone for my whole life? Cause I’ve been so lonely So lonely So lonely
3.
Can’t shine a light if there is no dark An ugly scar is a medal of honor I pour myself out to find me filled up more I’ve never felt love like this before There is no gladness Apart from sadness In constant balance A point of reference For new perspective I started listening to how I felt I kept it hidden from more than myself There is a song written into my heart Maybe somebody will sing along My greatest weapon’s the thorn in my side I’m bleeding out to show I’m alive I’ll be a broken trophy pointing towards A richer picture, more beautiful chord
4.
I put my heart into songs It helps me to get along With all the feelings inside of me Sometimes I just wanna scream But nothing ever happens I write words down on paper To process my behavior And puzzle out the things I’m dealing with Try to make the pieces fit But nothing ever happens Nothing ever happens Nothing ever happens Nothing ever happens I’ve always struggled to pray It’s not a lack of faith It’s just that nothing ever happens Nothing ever happens Nothing ever happens Nothing ever happens I’m being honest to God I’ve got an anger I cannot stop And so I’m unleashing my emotions I’m crying out for healing but nothing ever happens Nothing ever happens
5.
I was thinking about the way I felt so dead inside I was hoping for something to open up my eyes I could see I was running on empty But I kept going until I had nothing left And sometimes that’s the best way to realize I will never be happy I am on an endless chase Through the peaks and the valleys For a taste that satiates I was trying so hard to prove that I had a life In the process I lost sight of what I did and why Recklessly, I was running a race that never ceased I was forced to slow down and feel my pulse There was more to the story than what I told Unquenchable desire Grows big(ger) and burns bright(er) Sending signs of smoke And casting long shadows That imitate a true flame
6.
7.
I can feel a little lonely only at times Okay, I’ve been pretty lonely my whole life I’ve been sleeping with the fan on high It may seem insane to convey your emotions And to share the pain you’ve long hidden away Can you feel the weight lifting off of your shoulders As the ones who love you take away the shame? White knuckling the controller of my life Got me nothing and took a toll on my pride I’m tapping out of this fruitless fight
8.
I don’t want to feel anything anymore Feels like I’m going out on a limb with a crack in it over and over again What is the point of even trying — to get hurt? I don’t want to do anything anymore I spend my time wasting it away or slaving away at an endless pace Either I stay in a state of shame or pretension I don’t want to love anything anymore I don’t want to love anyone anymore I don’t want to feel I don’t want to feel I don’t want to feel anything
9.
Can I handle this misdirected treatment? Distance, fix, and ostracize Is it cowardice that I fear ignorant people? Who strangle what they can’t revise I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you but you would not understand Why would I let you into all my messiness? True love’s scandalous and unrefined I know my fearfulness is outweighed by a wish To be fully realized I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you but you would not understand I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you but you might see me different You might not understand You might see me different And I can’t control that I will tell you I will tell you I will tell you and you might not understand I will tell you I will tell you I will tell you and you might see me different
10.
The Accuser 02:45
Looking at your fears face to face Do you want to take a leap of faith? I know what you want So you think you want to open up Do you really want to push your luck? I know what you want You’re forgiven and all that’s great Has it really just gone away? I know what you’ve done Do you really feel truly clean? Maybe scrub a bit more and see I know what you’ve done I’m the accuser Run away from anything that’s sad You don’t want to have to deal with that I know how you work No one wants to hear about your pain Are you trying to push God away? I know how you work Look at all the great things you’ve done Are you sure it’s gonna be enough? I know who you are I’m the accuser You’re the accuser We’re the accusers
11.
Feeling boarded up My mind is a prison Really could use some Help out of this quicksand I’m like a phone on two percent being plugged in I talk too much when I’m around them I can’t stop grinning I lose concern because I have no inhibition When did my self worth Become a performance Academy Award For being most anxious I get so caught up in my life I forget that the source of my delight isn’t from within Ode to my friends

about

Do you want to take a leap of faith?

Rock Eupora, the moniker for Mississippi-bred, Nashville-based artist Clayton Waller, has always been a heart-on-your-sleeve musical endeavor. From his earliest recordings, Waller has never been afraid to ask the big, searching questions of life. Catchy, hooky pop sensibilities have similarly been a consistent through-line in Rock Eupora’s catalogue.

These defining features are still present in Pick At The Scab, Rock Eupora’s latest full-length album, and yet, something feels different.

“I wanted to let the songs breathe a bit,” Waller says of his mindset while writing the material that would become the songs for Pick At The Scab. “I gravitate towards writing up-beat, high energy songs, but this time around, I decided to lean back a little and let the songs speak for themselves.”

In Pick At The Scab, the listener hears Waller opening sores–admitting personal struggles, asking existential questions, exploring new sonic territory–and exposing them to the light, reaching beyond himself with emotionally honest lyrics and ambitious musical arrangements. “Feels like I’m going out on a limb with a crack in it over and over again,” he admits on the back side of the album.

“I have the tendency to want to fix or heal myself,” Waller says, reflecting on the inspiration behind the LP. “This album is very much me trying to ‘pick at the scab’ of my life. The motive is generally pure: I want to clear the scab away so as to speed up the healing process. We all know that picking at a scab usually results in a reopened wound and a bloody mess, further delaying the healing process. And yet we keep picking.”

Rock Eupora began when Waller was a senior in college. Each subsequent release has seen a broadening of scope and range, and Pick At The Scab is the logical successor to that tradition. Alongside every familiar influence––The Shins, Band of Horses, The Beach Boys––is a new friend, a Baby Huey, a Steely Dan, an Elizabeth Cotten, and, yes, even a Beyonce. Put simply, on Pick At The Scab, Rock Eupora is arriving at a destination: Waller, now thirty, has chosen to feel everything, instead of fighting to suppress or ignore the unpleasant or unknown. In so doing, in “feeling all of myself,” Waller has painted a rich, multivariate self-portrait. Through experimentation with new songs and sounds, confronting painful personal issues head-on, striving to find the balance between despair and joy, silliness and seriousness, heartbreak and love, the personal and the universal, Pick At The Scab delivers a full-bodied expression of what it means to live and to feel alive, an experience meant to be felt in a music venue together with others just as much as it can be heard between one’s own ears.

This album is set for release August 19, 2022. Pre-orders will ship to arrive on or before that date.

credits

released August 19, 2022

All songs written, produced, and mixed by Clayton Waller
Tape transfer by Gabriel Davis at Sponge Studios
Mastered by Brian Lucey at Magic Garden Mastering

Trumpet on track 1 by Rusty Clanton
Pedal steel on tracks 4 and 5 by Bennett Littlejon
Cello on track 7 by Emily Nelson Rodgers
Violin and viola on track 7 by Kameron Myers
All other instrumentation by Clayton Waller

Artwork by Georganna Greene

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Rock Eupora Nashville, Tennessee

Gritty Rock + Shimmering Pop

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